Now two months later, I can be honest with you & say that I haven't done any of those things. And I haven't really felt like it. One of my friends called it "Africa Burnout" and I guess that is what it was. Not that I was burned out on wanting to go or the mission that God has called us to, but that I was burned out on trying to make everything happen the way I wanted it to. I was tired of trying to think up new ways to fundraise that wouldn't continue to look for support from our core group of supporters (who I'm sure were feeling some "Africa burnout" in their wallets!) but would cast a wider net. I was tired of trying to think of every little thing we might need while we were there & what I might be forgetting. I was tired of trying to live in two worlds, one here full of electricity & ample water & grocery stores on every corner and trying to decide what I need for the one there with spotty solar power, precious water that needs to be conserved at every opportunity & a grocery store 1 1/2 hours away. I know seasoned missionaries are laughing at me right now, this is so what they deal with on a daily basis! But that is where the Father of Deception found me & started whispering…
"If you can't deal with it now, how can you ever think you could deal with it when you are there?"
"you'll never make it"
"your fundraising has stalled because no one believes in what you are doing"
"once you get over there you are completely on your own"
"are you sure God wants YOU to do this?"
"You will probably mess it all up"
To say I was discouraged is putting it mildly. But slowly, God kept pulling me back to his promises…
"When you can't walk anymore, you will be carried"
"You are sealed, to live is Christ & to die is gain"
"You are loved"
"I am still good"
"You have been called"
"You are forgiven & set free"
And he has used so many people to minister to us, love on us & lift us up at just the right times!
So finally, with a little bit of trepidation, last night we looked at our fundraising, added everything up & came to a total. We were $390 short. Amazing!!! With no fundraising done in months & 69 days to go until we leave we only had $390 to go! Wes & I were both blown away by what God had done through people we love.
Wes quickly put up a Facebook post to share our excitement with our friends. Within minutes we had two friends offering to donate towards the balance! Within seconds we received our newest funds update from African Children's Mission…we now only had $60 to go!! With what we have received to date plus the promised funds from our friends we have not only met our fundraising goal, we've exceeded it!!! There were other items that we wanted to add to our budget but didn't because we felt like we were already setting such a high goal. Now we will be able to add those items in as well! I cannot begin to tell you how excited, humbled, in awe of our creator, in awe of the goodness of our friends & family and thankful we are for this gift.
The awesomeness of seeing God work in the most amazing ways, the incredible feeling of knowing there are people that believe in what you are doing so much that they would share their hard earned money to make it happen, these things make the burnout soooo worth it.
We really cannot wait to come home in July & share everything that God did because of the gifts & prayers of faithful people that supported us! That will be such an amazing day!!
Maybe someday I'll learn to lean on God first & not try to control everything myself. I do it all the time. And every time he is faithful to come through, even at the last minute. I would like to say that I have such great faith that I never doubt, never believe he needs my help, never think "maybe it won't happen" but that would be a lie. Maybe someday I'll remember to glorify him with every bump in the road so he won't have to go to such lengths to get my attention! I'm so hard headed! Until then I'll be thankful for his grace & mercy in rescuing me just when I think all is lost, and putting people in my life that are truly his hands and feet…I'm sure I'll need to be reminded again, but right now I'm off to go get the kids their shots!
"Praise the Lord, all nations! Praise him, all peoples! His love for us is strong & his faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord!" Psalms 117
