Thankful

I know it's been a long time since we've posted, but today I wanted to share our thankfulness. Over the past year + since we came home unexpectedly from Uganda, we have struggled STRUGGLED.

I know I need to lift my eyes up

but I'm too weak

Life just won't let up

and I know that you can give me rest

so I cry out with all that I have left

{WORN}

But in the past few months we've felt the heavy sadness finally starting to lift from our hearts. Through the love and support of so many people, we have started to focus our eyes back on Christ and away from our circumstances. Some things have changed, but many things have not. The next year is again going to be hard, but for the first time in 15 months, our hearts are turned back to seeking God's will for our lives and our family. For that, and many other things, I am so thankful.

Thankful that God will never leave me or forsake me

Thankful that despite my circumstances, His promises are true

Thankful that He's given me a wonderfully flawed partner to do life with

Thankful for daughters that constantly challenge me to dig deeper, one intellectually, one emotionally

Thankful for a son who gives me a reason to smile every day

Thankful for a city with amazing medical care options

Thankful for a family that knows when to love on me and when to give me space

Thankful that when I could barely keep my head above water, He did.

His grace abounds in deepest waters

Burnout

Before the holidays I felt like once we got past them I would be able to start really investing some time in getting ready for this trip.  In my mind I had decided that we would have one more big fundraising push to get the last of the $1,500 or so that we needed to meet our goal & the rest of my time would be spent purchasing supplies, finding suitcases, getting the kids shots, etc.  Just really doing the last minute things we need to do before we leave.

Now two months later, I can be honest with you & say that I haven't done any of those things.  And I haven't really felt like it.  One of my friends called it "Africa Burnout" and I guess that is what it was.  Not that I was burned out on wanting to go or the mission that God has called us to, but that I was burned out on trying to make everything happen the way I wanted it to.  I was tired of trying to think up new ways to fundraise that wouldn't continue to look for support from our core group of supporters (who I'm sure were feeling some "Africa burnout" in their wallets!) but would cast a wider net.  I was tired of trying to think of every little thing we might need while we were there & what I might be forgetting.  I was tired of trying to live in two worlds, one here full of electricity & ample water & grocery stores on every corner and trying to decide what I need for the one there with spotty solar power, precious water that needs to be conserved at every opportunity & a grocery store 1 1/2 hours away.  I know seasoned missionaries are laughing at me right now, this is so what they deal with on a daily basis!  But that is where the Father of Deception found me & started whispering…

 "If you can't deal with it now, how can you ever think you could deal with it when you are there?"

"you'll never make it"

"your fundraising has stalled because no one believes in what you are doing"

"once you get over there you are completely on your own"

"are you sure God wants YOU to do this?"

"You will probably mess it all up"

To say I was discouraged is putting it mildly. But slowly, God kept pulling me back to his promises…

"When you can't walk anymore, you will be carried"

"You are sealed, to live is Christ & to die is gain"

"You are loved"

"I am still good"

"You have been called"

"You are forgiven & set free"

And he has used so many people to minister to us, love on us & lift us up at just the right times!  

So finally, with a little bit of trepidation, last night we looked at our fundraising, added everything up & came to a total.  We were $390 short.  Amazing!!!  With no fundraising done in months & 69 days to go until we leave we only had $390 to go!  Wes & I were both blown away by what God had done through people we love.  

Wes quickly put up a Facebook post to share our excitement with our friends.  Within minutes we had two friends offering to donate towards the balance!  Within seconds we received our newest funds update from African Children's Mission…we now only had $60 to go!!  With what we have received to date plus the promised funds from our friends we have not only met our fundraising goal, we've exceeded it!!!  There were other items that we wanted to add to our budget but didn't because we felt like we were already setting such a high goal. Now we will be able to add those items in as well!  I cannot begin to tell you how excited, humbled, in awe of our creator, in awe of the goodness of our friends & family and thankful we are for this gift.  

The awesomeness of seeing God work in the most amazing ways, the incredible feeling of knowing there are people that believe in what you are doing so much that they would share their hard earned money to make it happen, these things make the burnout soooo worth it.  

We really cannot wait to come home in July & share everything that God did because of the gifts & prayers of faithful people that supported us!  That will be such an amazing day!!

Maybe someday I'll learn to lean on God first & not try to control everything myself.  I do it all the time.  And every time he is faithful to come through, even at the last minute.  I would like to say that I have such great faith that I never doubt, never believe he needs my help, never think "maybe it won't happen" but that would be a lie.  Maybe someday I'll remember to glorify him with every bump in the road so he won't have to go to such lengths to get my attention!  I'm so hard headed! Until then I'll be thankful for his grace & mercy in rescuing me just when I think all is lost, and putting people in my life that are truly his hands and feet…I'm sure I'll need to be reminded again, but right now I'm off to go get the kids their shots! 

"Praise the Lord, all nations!  Praise him, all peoples! His love for us is strong & his faithfulness endures forever.  Praise the Lord!" Psalms 117

Challenges…or…?

The dictionary defines a {challenge} as

"a task or situation that tests someone's ability".

I think that definition totally applies to what our family has been facing over the last year.

When we first began this blog, almost a year ago, we did so in response to our feeling that God was calling us to serve Him in Uganda. Since then

we have felt under attack many times.

house flooding

major roof damage

car accidents saw accidents

injuries illness

seizures surgeries

even death… many deaths

We have seen all of this and more in the last 11 months.

Through each of these {challenges} we have tried to see them as God sees them, we've tried to focus on how He can be glorified through these things, we've tried to seek Him first. But sometimes it is so very hard to do. We have to remind ourselves to look to God FIRST, we have to look to His WORD to find wisdom, and we have to spend time with HIM to know His will and direction. The more {challenges} we face, the more we have turned to Him but I have to

admit that sometimes it's not until the hardship has passed. This is when we have one of those "slap yourself in the forehead" kind of moments when we can't believe we tried to do it on our own.

Again.

The dictionary defines a {challenge} as

"a task or situation that tests someone's ability".

These {challenges} have definitely tested our ability. They've tested our ability to look to God for answers instead of ourselves or our peers or our experts. Our ability to let go and give God control of ourselves, of our finances, or our children, our ability to trust Him with everything. Our ability to really truly believe in God's awesome authority.

And we know. We know these {challenges} have been allowed to come upon us so that we can grow, so that we can be sharpened in the fire, so that we can show empathy to those that are going through similar {challenges}. We know that they have a reason and we know He can use them for GOOD because we believe in Him and we are called to His purpose.

As we prepare to leave for Uganda in less than 7 weeks, we do so knowing there will be even more challenges. Only we are now trying to think of them as {opportunities}…to grow, to care for others ,to see God's GLORY.