Thankful

I know it's been a long time since we've posted, but today I wanted to share our thankfulness. Over the past year + since we came home unexpectedly from Uganda, we have struggled STRUGGLED.

I know I need to lift my eyes up

but I'm too weak

Life just won't let up

and I know that you can give me rest

so I cry out with all that I have left

{WORN}

But in the past few months we've felt the heavy sadness finally starting to lift from our hearts. Through the love and support of so many people, we have started to focus our eyes back on Christ and away from our circumstances. Some things have changed, but many things have not. The next year is again going to be hard, but for the first time in 15 months, our hearts are turned back to seeking God's will for our lives and our family. For that, and many other things, I am so thankful.

Thankful that God will never leave me or forsake me

Thankful that despite my circumstances, His promises are true

Thankful that He's given me a wonderfully flawed partner to do life with

Thankful for daughters that constantly challenge me to dig deeper, one intellectually, one emotionally

Thankful for a son who gives me a reason to smile every day

Thankful for a city with amazing medical care options

Thankful for a family that knows when to love on me and when to give me space

Thankful that when I could barely keep my head above water, He did.

His grace abounds in deepest waters

What does that mean, "missions work"?

That is the question that was posed to me Monday by our pediatrician's nurse.  We were at the doctor's office getting the kids the last of their needed shots for our trip when she started asking what we would be doing in Uganda.  When I told her it was for a missions trip she asked "So what will you be doing there?  Mostly missions work?" I answered "yes" and then she made me pause, "what does that mean, "missions work"? I hear people say it all of the time but I don't really understand what that is." I must have stammered out something that satisfied her and I have no idea what I said, but her question has stayed with me ever since.  What do I or you or anyone else mean when they say, "missions"?

I think lots of different people have lots of different definitions to what "missions" entails.  

For some it means telling people the plan of salvation.  For some it means living missional.  For some it means being a missionary.  And for others it means reaching out to people of a different faith.  

There's another idea that has plagued me for the two years that we have been working towards Uganda…"you can't just jump on a plane to go do missions overseas and become someone who is missions minded, doing missions begins at home".  For two years I've struggled with wondering if I'm being missional enough at home to warrant going to Uganda to do missions.  I've tried to get involved in various missions organizations and have looked for opportunities to support other missionaries…not so much because I felt led to do so, but because I felt like my going to Uganda wouldn't be justified unless I had some kind of home missions opportunities to put on my imaginary missionary resume.  I was desperately trying to create some good works to validate my call.  

The bad thing is…my body rebels agains good works.  Not that I don't like doing good things, I just don't like the legalistic, earn your way to heaven, kind of thinking that has been the thorn in my side for way too long. The one that God has slowly been chiseling out of me and replacing with grace, grace and more grace.  Anyone who knows me could guess which brother I've always identified with in the prodigal son story.  

I shop at Aldi's Grocery Store about once a week.  It's a super cheap grocery store in our city where you pay a quarter to get a buggy and bag your own groceries with bags you bring from home.  I always say that it's a type of missions field because there are always people from every walk of life, every language and I'm sure, every religion shopping there.  I love it!  I always end up making a connection with someone when I'm there.  One day it was the sweet elderly man who dropped his cane, my son picked it up and the man bought us candied apples we enjoyed all the way home.  Another day it was the woman trying to get her 4 small kids in the car while her buggy rolled away in the parking lot.  We ended up laughing over how hard life is with several kids as I retrieved it for her and helped her get her groceries into her trunk.  It's not handing out tracks or making a gospel presentation, I don't have to force it or plan for it, but it sure feels missional.  

Today it was a young girl at wal-mart that was buying hundred of dollars of stuff, realized she lost her debit card while checking out, found her debit card after several minutes of frantic searching, had her card declined several times, borrowed the cashier's cell phone, and called the bank to get money transferred to cover her purchases.  She never really apologized but you could tell she was embarrassed as she whispered "it's been the worst day".  I told her it was fine, that I was in no hurry and then told her I hoped her day would get better from here as I left.  She gave me a smile and a sincere "thank you" as she collected her things.  It wasn't until I got to the car, 28 days before we leave to go be missionaries, that it hit me…I AM a missionary at home. 

I believe that whenever you follow Jesus' example, whenever you strive to be like Him, you're "doing missions".  Whenever you love on someone the way Christ would have loved on someone, you're "doing mission work".  Whenever you live an open life, willing to share the gospel whenever the opportunity arises (even if it doesn't), you're living a "missional" life.  

My husband and I often tease about how much we don't fit into society's view of what a "missionary" is.  I'm a terrible house keeper.  I love 80s rap music.   I lose my temper with my kids.  I lose my temper with my husband.  I lose my temper with myself.   I love to dance. I don't homeschool (though I haven't ruled it out).  I joined my first bible study a couple months ago.  I'm definitely not crafty (though I REALLY try).  I'm on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Vine.  I love to buy cute short dresses but also love a cute maxi skirt.  I do wear my hair in a bun, but because I'm a dancer, not because of my conservative style.  I've made a billion mistakes and I'll make a billion more before the end of the week. I'm a mess. I've definitely not attained the level of holiness needed in order to be called to do mission work. 

The more and more I review my imaginary missionary resume, the more and more I see how unqualified I am, how unqualified my family is, for what He is calling us to do.  And He keeps reminding me that it's not OUR qualifications that justify our call, it is Christ in us that justifies our call. And it is our willingness to display Christ in us to those around us that makes us all missionaries, whether we're at Wal-Mart or halfway around the world.  


"And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another… "       1 John 3:23 

Burnout

Before the holidays I felt like once we got past them I would be able to start really investing some time in getting ready for this trip.  In my mind I had decided that we would have one more big fundraising push to get the last of the $1,500 or so that we needed to meet our goal & the rest of my time would be spent purchasing supplies, finding suitcases, getting the kids shots, etc.  Just really doing the last minute things we need to do before we leave.

Now two months later, I can be honest with you & say that I haven't done any of those things.  And I haven't really felt like it.  One of my friends called it "Africa Burnout" and I guess that is what it was.  Not that I was burned out on wanting to go or the mission that God has called us to, but that I was burned out on trying to make everything happen the way I wanted it to.  I was tired of trying to think up new ways to fundraise that wouldn't continue to look for support from our core group of supporters (who I'm sure were feeling some "Africa burnout" in their wallets!) but would cast a wider net.  I was tired of trying to think of every little thing we might need while we were there & what I might be forgetting.  I was tired of trying to live in two worlds, one here full of electricity & ample water & grocery stores on every corner and trying to decide what I need for the one there with spotty solar power, precious water that needs to be conserved at every opportunity & a grocery store 1 1/2 hours away.  I know seasoned missionaries are laughing at me right now, this is so what they deal with on a daily basis!  But that is where the Father of Deception found me & started whispering…

 "If you can't deal with it now, how can you ever think you could deal with it when you are there?"

"you'll never make it"

"your fundraising has stalled because no one believes in what you are doing"

"once you get over there you are completely on your own"

"are you sure God wants YOU to do this?"

"You will probably mess it all up"

To say I was discouraged is putting it mildly. But slowly, God kept pulling me back to his promises…

"When you can't walk anymore, you will be carried"

"You are sealed, to live is Christ & to die is gain"

"You are loved"

"I am still good"

"You have been called"

"You are forgiven & set free"

And he has used so many people to minister to us, love on us & lift us up at just the right times!  

So finally, with a little bit of trepidation, last night we looked at our fundraising, added everything up & came to a total.  We were $390 short.  Amazing!!!  With no fundraising done in months & 69 days to go until we leave we only had $390 to go!  Wes & I were both blown away by what God had done through people we love.  

Wes quickly put up a Facebook post to share our excitement with our friends.  Within minutes we had two friends offering to donate towards the balance!  Within seconds we received our newest funds update from African Children's Mission…we now only had $60 to go!!  With what we have received to date plus the promised funds from our friends we have not only met our fundraising goal, we've exceeded it!!!  There were other items that we wanted to add to our budget but didn't because we felt like we were already setting such a high goal. Now we will be able to add those items in as well!  I cannot begin to tell you how excited, humbled, in awe of our creator, in awe of the goodness of our friends & family and thankful we are for this gift.  

The awesomeness of seeing God work in the most amazing ways, the incredible feeling of knowing there are people that believe in what you are doing so much that they would share their hard earned money to make it happen, these things make the burnout soooo worth it.  

We really cannot wait to come home in July & share everything that God did because of the gifts & prayers of faithful people that supported us!  That will be such an amazing day!!

Maybe someday I'll learn to lean on God first & not try to control everything myself.  I do it all the time.  And every time he is faithful to come through, even at the last minute.  I would like to say that I have such great faith that I never doubt, never believe he needs my help, never think "maybe it won't happen" but that would be a lie.  Maybe someday I'll remember to glorify him with every bump in the road so he won't have to go to such lengths to get my attention!  I'm so hard headed! Until then I'll be thankful for his grace & mercy in rescuing me just when I think all is lost, and putting people in my life that are truly his hands and feet…I'm sure I'll need to be reminded again, but right now I'm off to go get the kids their shots! 

"Praise the Lord, all nations!  Praise him, all peoples! His love for us is strong & his faithfulness endures forever.  Praise the Lord!" Psalms 117

God's Into Details

I love to be reminded about how much God is involved and concerned about the details of our lives.

 {The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives}  I love this New Living Translation of Psalm 37:23!  It not only speaks to God's sovereignty, but also to His intimate concern for our lives. 

Last week was a tough one for our family.  Nothing major.  It just began our month long pace of an over-scheduled, over-extended life.  (If you need me any Monday, Thursday or Friday this month, I'll be at a football game. I hope my family doesn't expect to be fed!) In addition to our schedule craziness, we were helping a mission team from Hunter Street Baptist Church in Birmingham prepare to leave for Uganda, and all the logistics that entails, while watching with heavy hearts as they boarded a plane to somewhere we long to be. On top of all of  THAT we got a lot of disappointing news for our family and people that we love.  

But in the midst of all of this God kept wispering over and over again that He loves us, that He is moving mountains on our behalf and that like the disciples who were told to wait in the upper room for the Holy Spirit, we were being taught lessons in our waiting and would be overwhelmed by the power that would come upon us. 

Over and over again throughout the week, God sent people or experiences into our lives to remind us of His care.

One day it was a friend I went to kindergarten (KINDERGARTEN!!!) with and haven't seen since but have kept up with on Facebook, that emailed me out of the blue that he would be spending the next two hours praying for us at his church and wanted to know what specific things he could be praying for. {humbled}

Another day a high school friend we haven't seen or talked to in 16 years contacted us out of the blue wanting to donate to our trip. {overwhelmed}

Then two families from our Sunday School class contacted us just days apart to make final plans for two different fundraisers they were each planning on our behalf. {grateful}

On Saturday, while unloading luggage for the HSBC team at the curb of the airport, a stranger came up to us and asked where in Uganda we were going (my father-in-law was wearing his Muzungu shirt!).  Turns out he runs another organization that works in Uganda, reminding us that everywhere we go God is pointing us to Uganda. We had no reason to be sad that we weren't going on THIS trip because we ARE going! {such a God thing!}

To cap it all off, I was unexpectedly reminded of God's HUGE answer to a prayer.  Friday we celebrated our son, Wyatt, who has epilepsy, making it to ONE YEAR SEIZURE FREE!  I think our whole family had tried to purposefully forget what the date of a year seizure free would be, but God didn't want us to miss it!  Wyatt may have a seizure today, he may have one next week, but God still answered our specific request for one year without seizures. {awed by our Creator!}

I could go on for pages and pages telling you every way He reminded us of His promises just in those seven days. Thank you to each of you who allowed and continue to allow God use you to minister to us! There were several other bible verses, daily devotionals, sermons, emails, texts, facebook messages and conversations where God used His word and His children to encourage us, lift us up and renew our strength.

{But those that hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31}

Lord, help us to remember to place our hope in you.  None of this depends on us.  Thank you for loving us enough to not only be involved in our everyday lives, but also to give us a way back to you through the death of your son. We are so unworthy.   

P.S. Stay tuned for more details regarding upcoming fundraisers!  They will each involve something great for you while also  helping us reach our goal of Uganda! 

Red Dirt

Photo Credit Heidi Angel

It's amazing what little things can impact you when you've been to another country or another culture in what seems like {another life}.

{FEET} can be pretty gross. As much as I love

getting pedicures, I don't think I could handle that job…touching strangers' dirty, icky feet hour after hour, all day long. My sisters all have crazy foot aversion syndrome (I just made that particular syndrome up but it adequately describes how they feel about feet!) and can't stand to look at, touch or talk about feet. As a matter of fact, if any of them are reading this they are probably already cringing and hoping I change the subject real soon!

Sorry Ks, but hang with me…

The Bible talks a lot about feet…there are verses "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" Roman 10:15B, stories of Mary washing Jesus' feet in the book of John chapter 12, Jesus washing his disciples' feet and tons of other references, Jesus telling the disciples to "shake off the dust from your feet" when they aren't received in a village (Luke 9:5, Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 10:11), Ruth laying at Boaz's feet wishing for him to redeem her (Ruth 3:14), I could list tons…{feet}, and their parts, are mentioned more than 300 times in the bible.

What is it with feet?

In the verses above it isn't difficult to see how the feet symbolize people, our souls and our true selves as God sees us.

{But feet are dirty, dusty, sometimes ugly looking things…

yet God calls them beautiful, clean, swift, well lit, secure, He sets them upon a rock.}

But feet are also one of our most unprotected & at risk body parts. The U.S. military places a great deal of importance on taking care of your feet. The Marine's Officer Candidate School even has foot care spelled out in their daily schedules.

In Ephesians, Paul tells Christians to put on the "armor of God" and that our feet should be clothed in the gospel Ephesians 16:5. Prepared in this way, we are charged to use our feet to take the gospel "to all creation". Mark 16:15

{Without shoes we open our bodies to all kinds of infection, disease, foreign bodies & injuries that could lead to illness and even death.}

Photo Credit (and Mzungu foot!) Heidi Angel

Before we left for Uganda in January I spent a lot of time researching & finding the perfect shoes for this trip. I knew I didn't want to be clomping around in heavy tennis shoes & socks in the African heat, but I also knew it was important to wear closed toe shoes to protect my feet from injury so flip flops were out. I finally found the perfect shoes, a pair of Mary Jane style slingback Keen's that were even 50% off (being that it was Christmas time & all) & I quickly bought them, excited about my

perfect Uganda shoes!

There's a quote in a well known movie about the color of the dirt coming from all of the blood that has been spilled in Africa.

I believe it.

In Uganda the dirt is {red}, like RED red.

As I walked and biked and rode and walked and walked miles and miles and miles in my new shoes over the next two weeks, they quickly changed from a goldenrod yellow color to a pinkish red. At the end of every day I actually thought I had tan lines from my shoes until I would shower and realize that my tan lines washed away.

My feet were just colored by the red dirt!

When I got home I developed a love/hate relationship with those shoes.

They still had that red Ugandan dirt clinging to them and every time I'd wear them I would sadly watch a little more of the dirt fall away…but every time I wore them a little of the dirt would be on me and would remind me that I still carried Uganda with me.

I guess it's like those people that take little glass bottles to the beach to scoop up some sand…or buy the bottles in the little knick knacky shops found in every touristy beach locale…or give the perfect gift of a little glass vase of Alabama dirt to a sweet sister moving to Florida.

Even my friend at Ekubo Ministries in Uganda wrote about the red dirt coming off of her shoes when she first came back from Uganda & how heartbreaking it was for her.

{We love the idea of taking a little piece of a special place back with us.}

When you are in a place with such heartbreak, poverty & lostness as we see in Uganda, it is difficult to come home and reconcile

what you have seen & what you have experienced & who you are there

to what you see, experience and are home in the states.

As I watched my shoes get cleaner and cleaner, I felt myself slipping further and further back into my old life…my life B.U. {Before Uganda}.

The problem is that I don't want that old life. I don't want to forget the amazing friends I made there, or the amount of need that I know exists. I don't want to lose the memory of the hopelessness that is evident on the faces of those that are lost, or the joy in the eyes of those that are not.

I want to live over and over again, every single day, the lessons that God taught me in those two weeks, even if it makes my heart hurt to do so.

Unlike the Jewish tradition of shaking the tainted Gentile dust out of their cloaks, or even the beautiful picture of Jesus washing the road dust off of the disciples' feet, I want to gather all of the red Ugandan dust I can and hold onto its real, tangible, physical presence.

But it's so easy to slip back into comfort-land…so easy to forget that there are mothers ignoring their expanding bellies because the infant mortality rate is so high, and they don't want to get too attached in case they should lose their little babies…to forget there are women, men and children fighting for their lives due to a disease whose cure costs a measly $7….to forget there are seven little bits of my heart waiting to cry out "hallo Malicia!" as I come to hug them & play with them & learn Luganda from them…to forget

there are people in this world who have never heard

of the saving love of Jesus Christ,

that they have been set free from sin through

His death and resurrection and that

THE God of the universe is working

now and in the future for their good and His glory.

A little red dirt helps me to remember the gospel.

{Without the gospel our souls are left vulnerable to infection, sin and death.}

Photo Credit Heidi Angel

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved" Ephesians 2:4-5

Worries, What Worries?

Today's daily devotional had to do with casting our cares into Jesus' capable hands. It includes an exercise of writing down the things we are worried about, praying about them as we give them over to God, and then destroying them, leaving them at the foot of the cross.

I don't consider myself to be a very worrisome person. Maybe I should say "didn't".

As I started to write down the things that I have worried about just today, I was shocked at the stack of little post-it notes that I amounted. Then I prayed that God would open my eyes to any worries I had forgotten that I try to handle myself, worry about constantly, or fret over. The stack got bigger.

Several of these worries had to do with Africa. How will people react if/when we go public? How will we survive financially? What if the reality of Africa is more than I can handle?

As I prayed over these worries individually, several bible verses came to mind.

How he cares for me much more than the birds but even they never have to worry about their lives. {Matthew 6:26} How God will give us the words to say when we need them. {Matthew 10:19} How He WANTS me to cast my cares upon Him because He loves me. {1Peter 5:7} How nothing can ever separate us from our God who loves us. {Romans 8:38} How He knows His plans for us. {Jeremiah 29:11}

How amazing is the gift of God's grace! What a joyfully awesome feeling, to know that He's got me. He has all of my worries, all of my stressors and He can handle them. What a peace I'm left with.

The picture above is what is left of my worries. If you want to know what they say you'll have to talk to Jesus, I left them all with Him.